Santa Banta English Jokes

· Three Wishes

While walking along the beach in Goa, Banta found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie.

“Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.”
Banta thought for a moment and said, “I’m feeling a might thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a pint of chilled Beer.” And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand.

He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.”

He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with beer.

“That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?”

Excited Banta grinned, “I’ll be taking two more of these!”

·         The Roasting Pan

One day a little girl was watching her mom make a roast beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting pan.

The little girl asked her mom why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mom replied, after some thought, that it was the way that her mother had done it.

That night grandma came to dinner and the little girl and her mom went to her and asked why she had cut the end off of the roast before cooking. After some thought grandma replied, that was the way her mother had done it.

Now great grandmother was quite old and in a nursing home. But the little girl went with her mom and grandma to see her and again asked the question.

Grandma looked at them a bit annoyed and said, “So it would fit in the pan, of course.”

·         Building the Chunnel

As the UK and French governments began plans for the Chunnel (English Channel Tunnel), they realized they didn’t have the ability to build it themselves, so they put the project out for bid. Three teams: a German team, a Japanese team, and a Team from Punjab, led by Santa, submitted proposals and were asked to present their proposals to the selection committee.

The German team led off the presentations, with their main selling point being their engineering prowess. The German presenter showed their latest generation tunnel boring machines with laser-guided accuracy, impressing the committee.

The German concluded his presentation saying, “For 2 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and one year later we will meet in the middle with and be less than 1 meter off!”

The Japanese had a tough act to follow, but they knew their process quality techniques and enhanced productivity were better. The Japanese presenter showed their latest tunnel boring machines with advanced radar, their acumen in statistical process control, then bowed and stated, “For 1.8 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and 9 months later, we will meet in the middle and be less than 1 centimeter off!”

The Punjabi team knew they were in trouble, but really believed in the work ethic of their people, so they decided to pitch their strengths.

Team leader Santa looked the committee in the eyes as stated, “For 1 billion Euros and 50,000 cases of Whiskey, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, hic, and if we don’t meet in the middle you’ll get TWO tunnels for the price of ONE!”

·         Laajawab Santa

Santa Bhaga-Bhaga Hotel Ke Manager Ke Pass Aya Aur Chillata Hua Bola: Jaldi Chalo, Meri Biwi Khidki Se Kud Kar Jaan Dena Chahti Hai.

Manager: Toh Tumhe Samjhana Chahiye, Tumhari Biwi Hai… Main Kya Kar Sakta Hun?

Santa: Oye Kamine, Vo Khidki Khul Nahin Rahi Hai.

Santa Ne Bus Mein Ek Ladki Ko Chhed Diya.
Ladki: Tumhare Ghar Mein Maan-Behen Nahi Hai Kya?
Santa Bholepan Se: Kya Pata Ji, Mein Toh Subah Se Ghar Se Bahar Hoon.

Santa Apni Job Ke Liye Ek Company Mein Interview Dene Gaya.
Interviewer Ne Santa Se Puchha: Landline Aur Cellphone Mein Kya Farak Hai?
Intelligent Answer By Santa: Landline Mein Number Ungliyon Se Dial Karna Padta Hai Aur Cellphone Mein Anguthe Se.

Ek Baar Santa Ki Biwi Jeeto Ne Bade Pyar Se Santa Ko Bola: Suno ji, Vo Teen Shabd Kaho Na… Jinhe Sunkar Mujhe Dil Se Khushi Mehsoos Hoti Hai.
Santa: Galti Meri Thi.